I’ve Seen the Future

I’ve been catapulted an hour into the future and I only want to go back to bed.  Last night I sent through my plumbing two beers, a whisky and an absinthe.  Brave souls, each one of them, but fear not for their well-being.  This morning I received a post-card from the intrepid explorers.  Nothing legible on the matte side, as moisture and what looks like rough scrubbing removed most of the surface.  I will assume it originally set forth brief pleasantries, wishes of proximity and one too many exclamation points.  The glossy side faired better and appears to be a picture of my forehead with a tack pushed part-way in (cheeky bastards).  All this to say, with a bouquet of daisies, I have a wee headache.

A shame, as this morning I would otherwise relish bringing my A-game to the tastiest of chores–advancing by an hour the dozen or so clocks for which I am responsible.  If I were tip-top, I would be on it with a level of enthusiasm, organization and precision other folks save for an attack on the summit of Everest (or perhaps the rescue of a hockey goal half-frozen in pond ice–the spirit of Team Zissou lives in my friend).

Call me crazy, but I like doing simple things well.  I’ll spare you the full account, but a clear enough picture could have been had six-months earlier by looking over my shoulder as I rested a finger on the enter button on the microwave whilst waiting for the stove clock to tick-over one more minute.  The idea is to have the two advance in unison and I generally line them up to within half-a-second.

Just now, in this state, my obsessions are tucked neatly away.  All I can handle is laying on the couch and reading email.  An email from eBay leads me to a page which, at the bottom, presents the most watched bicycle auctions.  These most watched auctions typically include exotic bicycles commanding high bids.  Things I wouldn’t buy or even search for but sometimes enjoy perusing.  Today eBay claims that most watched auctions have been listed by an outfit calling themselves cycoole.  They sell track frames manufactured in China and shipped from the factory for around $130 plus shipping.

I now understand that a seller can pay to be listed as most watched, as I refuse to believe the eyes of the world of bicycle enthusiasts are being turned in unison in the direction of these frames.

If you buy one and like it, please contact the seller and gently push them in the direction of a logo that makes some sense (it would be better coming from a paying customer).  Trying to parse it has done little to help my headache.

Logo notwithstanding, 99% of their customers are happy.  I didn’t click through all of the feedback, but this one caught my eye.  Click on it to make it easier to read.  Note also the screen name.  Or not.  Actually perhaps not is the way to go.

I have no criticisms for this maker or their customers (my house is all glass).  I do ask that you raise your hand, though, if you feel the bus is headed in the wrong direction.  In my mind I am tugging vigorously on the cord begging to be let off before I arrive in world where track frames are robo-welded behind plexiglas following a credit card swipe at a vending machine.  In reality, I am still laying on my couch with a headache (and clocks akimbo).

To the future!


6 responses to “I’ve Seen the Future

  1. Now I really wish I’d joined you! Mild regret under duress of consequences typically speaks to a fun night before. Here’s hoping for a championship of convalescence and happier trails ahead!

  2. Not to be all “what’s up with guys??” but:
    what’s up with guys and the clocks?? I literally let the car, stove, and all house and work clocks just languish with the wrong time until J. comes home from tour, even if weeks have passed. He literally gets into the car at the airport, gives me a kiss, and then sees the clock and sets about fixing it.

    Also, weirdly, I had a shot of absinthe Saturday night too! How funny.

    • That’s the kind of information I am gently soliciting, so thanks for bringing it to light! However, since we are still early in the process of gathering data, we should withhold characterizing it as a guy thing. Based on the sample of two, it could also be a characteristic occurring in people with five-letter names, tennis players or people looking for distractions from the pain of life.

      Absinthe will be funnier to me in another 24 hours. Until then, we are not speaking.

      Be well!

  3. Probably it’s the five-letter name thing, you’re right. 😉

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